The sound and the fury!

Emotion always has its roots in the unconscious and manifests itself in the body.  

~Irene Claremont de Castillejo

 Man is the sole animal whose nudity offends his own companions, and the only one who, in his natural actions, withdraws and hides himself from his own kind.  

~Montaigne

So it was nap time the other day and I was perusing facebook in between other household duties. When I stumbled upon a status update that made me nearly spit out my decaf. After I stopped trying to catch my breath from laughing. Which I did so hard I nearly wet myself. I realized how much I could relate to the post.  Summing it up it went a little like this:

"If you are going to pass gas in the middle of a quiet pilates class don't expect me not to laugh"

I love this friend of mine more than words can express since she and I are cut from the same cloth. This could be a post I would write myself and due to some of the ladies in my gym classes it could become a reality at anytime. Let's face it I am in the south and all that seafood, red beans and rice, gumbo and all the other gastronomically unfriendly food is bound to show it's face someday. I don't care how low calorie, fat free, or carb healthy you make these dishes they are producers of floating phantasms du reek.  My terror is that it will happen and the humiliating part will be my reaction.

Due to a recent nominal injury caused by my ever lacking amount of grace. I was told to lay off my heavy duty Zumba in favor of things like Pilates or Yoga. The only problem with that is that you get very, very, very relaxed. A professor of mine was musing one day about how she was banned from a class such as this because of her non-stop snickering at the frequent releases of air. Not only were they relieving stress they were also taking care of other "pent up" issues. My fear is that in that in this moment of relaxation a slimy surfer could emerge causing my true identity to show its uncouth face. 

Lets face facts we strive for a bit anonymity when we work out. We have no make-up, we are sweating, and at the end of the work out we are pretty damn gross. So none of these people know me besides the occasional casual conversation in passing. I do not need to be known as that crazy chick who went hysterical over in Yoga class. I would never show my face again. End of story.

So despite the obvious hilarity of someone ripping ass in the middle of a class I can't help but worry this could really happen. I have to let you understand that I am a teenage boy with my sense of humor. If I haven't already made that clear. Dick and fart jokes get me giggling to the point of pain. The other day I was in a very quiet situation when my son expelled the most raucously foul air biscuit he has done to date. It was all I could do not to pass out from trying to hold the laughs in. So needless to say that if this happened during a downward dog in yoga I might fall out! I am literally writing this and chuckling, I am depressingly immature with my humor... I know.

The reason it worries me some is that I attempt to come off as a somewhat mature and together person. My verbal vomit aside I can at times pull it off. However an explosion of bodily proportion could blow my cover. So please dear ladies of the gym don't make me fall into a heap of red face laughter because you said "pass the beans" one too many times. Let me keep my dignity. I don't want to go to gym detention... Otherwise known as the treadmill. 

On a side note I apologize for my absence. My littles and myself were sick, then I was hurt and then the dog ate my homework. I will work harder to get back into the swing. Not hard to do when you are telling yourself "I am glad to be me" and then you say "Ewwww...". 

Since I am a complete Anglophile a little of one of  my favorite shows.

Cake or Death!

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Coincidence?  I think not! 

~Author Unknown

If you are not feeling well, if you have not slept, chocolate will revive you.  But you have no chocolate!  I think of that again and again!  My dear, how will you ever manage?  

~Marquise de Sévigné

So I was taken down a notch last week. After convincing myself that taking the time to get a flu shot was pointless and too time consuming. Since typically I don't get sick. Well good old karma stepped in and you can guess what I was doing last week. Ding, ding, ding, I was enjoying a fabulous week of chills, aches, pains, and fever (and not the good Peggy Lee kind). So I was derailed from an excellent streak of wellness and healthy living. Oh well it is over now so let's move on. Onto a different topic.


This week kids we are going to talk about temptation. Not about fighting it but succumbing to it. I had an instance of severe temptation against one of my greatest foes last week. They are those sexiest of little desserts called cupcakes. Those little marvels can get me to roll over and beg better than most anything. They are the perfect tiny number of goodness. A small few bites of cake with a little less guilt... If you can manage to only eat one. That is where our story begins.


So there we were, the littles and I were invited to a lovely princess birthday and we were there in full regalia. The crown, scepter and gown the whole bit. So we arrive and the girls are graciously given their treats and they dove right into the pink perfection. While they enjoyed their dessert I felt myself getting a little hot under the collar. Who could I hand this damn baby too so I could get my sweaty little palms on one of those sweet little confections??? I scoped the surrounding area and quickly found someone more than happy to take my little. That way like a ninja assassin I could ascend on the unsuspecting frosted friends and devour them before they saw me coming. 


I wish I could say that that was the end of it. I had my one delicious morsel and I was satisfied. It was not though. Like a crazy crack head I took not one but two more of the cupcakes and unhinged my jaw and stuffed it down my throat. OH THE CARNAGE!!! They didn't stand a chance. I was crazy eyed. Like a maniacal killer I ripped them apart and savored every little crumb. One of my littles approached during the massacre and asked if we could split one and despite me telling them all the time to share I said "No, this is mine". At least it came out calmly when in my head it sounded more like a crazed Renfield. 


When the heat of the moment was over I wiped my mouth and felt unabashedly pleased with myself. Then the guilt set in... The subconscious sugar monster had won and I had yet again knocked over my good meaning conscious in favor of the beast. Here's the deal. I like healthy food I really and truly do, but I have my pitfalls as well. One happens to obviously be cupcakes. I really can't help it so I tend to stay away from them. However, when I am in a birthday celebration scenario I feel obligated to eat them. Sometimes I go overboard and hoover too many. Such was the case this time.


I really am trying folks and that is all I can say. I don't want to be fluffy anymore but sometimes my inner scooter rider comes out and demands confections. I battle that person everyday. I remind myself that I want to be able to zip my jeans. I remind myself that for every time I derail that that is just that much more work I have to do to get back on track.  I write it here so that I can tell myself that shit happens and I can go forward. 


So if you see me at a birthday party and you notice that look of desire in my eye. No I am not scoping someone out, I am eying those tasty treats. Please feel free to hit me with a rolled up newspaper and say "Down, down bad girl!!".  I will have slip ups again but this one was downright bawdy! So to the mom of the child whom was so gracious to invite us I am sorry. At least now you have a few less leftovers to tempt you. They went down nicely and are now happily nestled in my ass.

Sick or not I feel all shiny!

The greatest mistake in the treatment of diseases is that there are physicians for the body and physicians for the soul, although the two cannot be separated. 

~Plato

It is a wise mans part, rather to avoid sickness, than to wishe for medicines.  

~Thomas More, Utopia [sic]

So even though I was run over by a Mack truck called Allergies this week I am still in a wonderful mood. Extremely stuffy and sneezy but still in a great frame of mind. I love those days when you wake up and it just seems like unicorns, puppies and rainbows are flying from your derrière.  My head may be in a vice and I am not on good terms with sleep but I am in a throwing confetti disposition! 

So despite being behind on a few workouts I can't help but feel great about my journey today. I have this incredibly weird feeling that the fat on my body is loosing its grip on me. I feel this thin person building up on the inside. There is muscle growing and it will soon start burning this fluff away. I don't know how else to describe it. The flub is detaching. Making way for a leaner healthier body, which just causes me to feel all hallmark and such.  

I am not the only one feeling the effects of these healthy changes either. My littles are starting to be better eaters. They are asking for better choices. It was a triumph the other night when I made a new veggie dish and both of my older kids scarfed it down and asked for seconds. They also want to go for walks and are spending less time being drones begging for T.V. So I am wearing a happy mommy badge about that.

So all I can say is that even though I have felt like death physically the past few days. I am in a great place mentally. Having a non-pessimistic outlook is a relatively new thing for me. I like to play the part of the "funny" friend that makes jokes about myself and I am usually everyone else's best cheerleader. However I am my own worse critic. Now I am learning to boost myself up. Be less cynical (that is really hard for me!). So what if I haven't gotten to go to the gym the past couple days. I will return because I know I am in a routine now. Exercising is actually a part of my life. Not something I am just schlepping into the schedule. I am making real life changes that are sticking. It takes time but my goals will come around as long as I stay rallied.

It will take time to get this fat suit off, but it is happening. It really is. Every little effort will show its effectiveness. At some point in the future when I look back I am going to say "Wow I did this".

I am just a regular old gooey pile of unicorn poo and couldn't be happier about it. So big sloppy disgusting kisses to all of you and get off your butt and shimmy the jiggly bits away!

and just so we all know we can have it worse one of my favorite movie scenes ever! I have a pretty awful obsession with Monty Python so courage kids and endure.