You're going to want to stop but keep going.

If you have health, you probably will be happy, and if you have health and happiness, you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want.  

~Elbert Hubbard

Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it. 

~Plato

Day 6: Zumba with the Granny Posse

So today while shaking "it" in my zumba class I got called out. My instructor points at me, and like I was a grade schooler again get asked to see her after class. Oh crap am I messing up that bad? Am I so appalling that I am going to need further instruction? These questions raced through my mind as I completed gyrating my tail feathers. So what the hell could the mistress of torture want? No, I really do like my instructor but during class while I am sweating and thinking "why the hell am I doing this?" I am also contemplating all the evil thing I would like to befall her. As soon as class is over though we are all peaches and gravy.

So instead of going directly to the childcare I stay behind rolling over everything that could be wrong. As she approached I took a hard swallow and prepared to defend my graceless self. "I'm doing the best I can" I repeated over and over in my mind. As I am a somewhat decent writer I can't say the same when I am talking to newer people. I often would like to use the excuse that English is not my first language. So I stood waiting for "it" and we talked.

I will say this about myself that I do have a VERY over active imagination so a plethora of scenarios were playing out in my brain. I am ashamed to say that I did go through a praying mantis-esque play by play. My head was devoured and no one was the wiser. That did not happen thankfully. She pretty much laid it out that she wanted to see me push myself a bit harder. She thought I could be doing more. By that she said the dreaded words that no fluffy person who is new to exercise wants to hear... Abs blaster. Oh yes thirty minutes devoted to that squishiest of squishy areas. Yes, she wants me to attend twice a week and then go to the spin class that follows. WHAT!!! I am already terrified enough of going to spin and making a total mockery of myself. Now she wants me to pre-nastified and heaving from this.

I have observed Abs Blaster from the comfort of the childcare room and it is crazy! Not "girl you so crazy" (add a snap and a head wag if you wish), no it is the locked up writing on the walls with feces kind of crazy. Those brave souls in there are nuts! Somehow though this little ray of sunshine and lollipops thinks I can do this.  

As I collected my jaw off the floor and put my eyes back in there sockets, I prepared to protest. What the fuck is tip toeing through her perky little mind? I can't do that! I barely keep up with the blue-haired foxes in my class! As I prepared to come to my defense my instructor cut me off before I could speak. She must have known I was going to try and argue. "All right then I will see you tomorrow" and with a tinker bell like "poof" she was gone. I did feel like I received a gold star on my forehead, but I am also tentative as well. 

So what the old me would do is disappear from the gym until no one remembered me, and I could sneak in unrecognized. Well actually the old me would not have a gym membership. Instead I would be continuing the passionate menage et trois between the couch, the TV and myself (sometimes adding the increasingly risqué fourth of junk food).  I am (at this very moment) battling myself. I want to be healthy and fit, I want to feel good about myself. I don't like sweating. I don't like being sore. I am ripped in half at what seems like a trivial matter. I also have all day and night to think about this though since the hubs is away and the mind will play.Trust me I am not a stranger to summoning strength. I am not afraid of difficult tasks... That are inside my comfort zone. Exercise is outside my comfort zone.

So this is my rallying cry. I am going to do it! I am going to walk right into that Ab blaster class and do what I can. I may be passed out in a pile of goo at the end but at least I can try. I will then gather up my goo and get to spin class. I am biting the bullet! In an effort to be more prepared for this I have dinner ready for the crock pot tomorrow. The littles lunch already prepared, and Bengay at the ready. I am trying to be optimistic that I am being dumb and working myself up for nothing. I am no athlete so this is foreign territory all this healthy lifestyle stuff.

So with that a little  inspirational music to pump me up!